HOTEL MADNESS

So after last night, I should probably be writing a book about my life as a hotel employee, but I am not. But one day I might so I'm going to write some things down that really boggle me about people who are guests.

1. when you get in the car to travel do you for get a map,directions, address of the hotel, phone number, pen, paper, your brain, etc? I mean why do you insist on calling me 40 times telling me that your lost. I have given you directions, not just directionals north south east and west, i have given you land marks to look for, and HUGE mile marker signs. I don't understand when i say stay on hwy 192, for 20 miles you decide its a great idea to get off this road and venture onto I-4, the turnpike, Disney world, and bk drive through. Why do you not get directions before you leave? why is it MY problem that your lost? I do travel a lot, and yes i also get lost, but i always have above mentioned things and call ONLY if I'm really lost, not to say i don't see anything down that road, but ha vent traveled down it.

2. what did you do before remote controls? people act like it is a huge deal if a remote is not in the room. This is not a reason to ask for a full nights compensation, nor is it even a reason to get angry, get your fat lazy ass up and turn the channels like we did back in early 80's. And if you don't remember the 80's then your just a spoiled little brat who's always had the convenience of remotes, so still.. get off your fat lazy ass and turn the channels. AND NO i can NOT come change the channel!!

3. when booking with a wholesale company(expedia, world travel, tourico etc) they are a company that buys rooms from us at a discount price, and in turn sell them to you for another price. I do not know or care how much you paid, because your reservations SHOULD come to me already pre paid. IF it is not already prepaid, your wholesaler took your fucking money and ran, asshole. Get a lawyer, give me your credit card and shut the fuck up and PAY me your room charge. If you don't like it, to bad, then you don't get a room, I'm the hostess and if you don't like it, tell my boss.. oh and if and when you see my boss tell him i think hes an asshole and it was nice of him to hire me, sorry wrong subject ha ha. OK anyway, so, don't assume that because you paid some other shlub some money for a room and not directly to us that your room is A) even there B) paid for and C) exactly the room you were looking for.

4. between the hours of 11pm and 7am i am busy, why do you think i can host a whole conversation with you for 3-4 hours? I don't care who's brothers husband daddy's grand fathers sisters mothers car you crashed... move along I'm BUSY!!! And don't go to your room and call me, I'm not interested in talking to you at all.. go the hell away!

5. i don't care that your room didn't get serviced today. hey I'm not the housekeeping supervisor, i don't care that roaches are running ragged all over... get over it we are a hotel. However I will act like i listen to your complaints and quickly hang up the phone saying.. asshole as i do. moving ON!

6. WHAT?? the water doesn't come on in your tub? are you turning it counter clockwise? yes i know the knobs are stripped because everyone forgets that pluming is "backwards". Oh i see the water wont turn off? why did YOU break it? I mean you turned it on and now it wont go off? why is this MY problem? your the last one to touch it. HA HA how does it feel? Oh so you want maintenance to come up? ha good one what maintenance? yeah ill send someone.. again listening.. but hanging up repeating asshole.

7. if the main computer goes down it's called crashing... the system has crashed. Yes this only happens to the person on from 11pm-7am because the computer system that is 20 years old cant handle the problems your people during the day cause. Also, the "help desk" isn't any kind of help at all. I didn't want this sleepy sounding old chick to tell me its someone Else's problem, is my server yes, we pay you to keep it running, its "crashing" i cant get into the main screen FUCKING HELP ME, and before 6am.

8. If i run reports for you today, doesn't mean i have time tomorrow. I like to keep busy, consider it a treat when i do it, don't expect full reports and such everyday, quit being lazy.

9. all reservations must be held with some sort of guarantee, a DO NOT REMOVE is not a guarantee. I don't make reservations, someone else does, i cancel them. IF by the time i start my reports, you haven't shown up, I cancel you, or charge your card on file, what part of 6pm day of arrival don't you get?

10. now this is the one that really gets me.. seriously. check in begins at 3pm, this doesn't mean you HAVE to be there at our desk at 3:00pm. it means, we can start checking people in at that time. 3:00 pm is the time we think we will have a few rooms cleaned (if that's what you call it) and you can enjoy a full 20 hours before checking out. We will hold your room until 3 am, giving you 12 full hours to get to our location.

11. hotels run on a whole different clock, and I fully don't expect people to "get" this, but hotels usually run on a 7am-7am time frame. SO if you make a reservation for 2/24/07 that means your going to come in some time between 7:00am 2/24/07 and 7:00am02/25/07. don't think because the clock changes at midnight, we will have your reservation for 2/25/07. There isn't a cheaper rate for checking in after midnight, either.

12. when the hotel is sold out, and i say "sorry sir, we do not have any more rooms" this means, WE DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE ROOMS. however if you want to slip me a 20 ill give you a pillow and blanket and wake you up around 6:45 am but you can sleep in the chair in the lobby.

13. if your a man, or even sometimes woman, and your alone, and bored, and lonely, I will not be sleeping with you during my shift.. maybe afterwards, OK maybe a little fooling around during.. but since the 12 other subjects have me running around nutty, i doubt it. Thanks but No thanks.

OK, so right now, this is about everything that has happened last night. yes 1 night.. i know I'm a trooper. Along the way, i might revisit this post and add more, i just think its good for me to get it all out. Maybe talking about the career choice i made at 20 can get me a best seller, if only i could write more passionately. (i should have those lost girls write for me.. I'm good at dictating)